Okay. I gotta jot down my feelings here. No, is elaborate.

I just feel like shit these few days. It's not other ordinary feel-like-shit days. It's those days when I'm so scared of losing all the things I love, and I continuouly have the feeling that I will lose them someday.
Everything I have now is so not things that I can call them "only mine". And my hands are just so slippery that I have trouble grapping hold of them. Soon or later, I wouldnt have the control of them anymore. People say, what's yours is meant to be yours, and you cant force things that are not yours to be yours. Ok lets see, sometimes there are things that dont belong to anyone, and you share them with people. That certain thing dont seem to belong to anyone then isnt it?
I'm so confused by my words now. But then again, when you share them with people, as time goes by, the 'share' that you have is so little that it's almost nothing and both of you just drifts apart.
Yes I'm talking about a human, a person, a friend. No I dont just treat that person as a thing, but I just want to emphasize in a way that this person is important you get it?

I just find it so difficult to balance my life. I have everything I need now but it's not that I'm not satisfied, it's just that a problem always comes after another, it will always rain after that even if the sun is shining ever so brightly.
I want to let everyone that knows that I love them all these while that I really have treasured them, and even though I really dont show it and put on a i-dont-care front, I really do.
I might have done things to disappoint my friends again and again, but I dont want that to be the cause of any problems in the friendship, because no matter what happen, those friends that I have been repeatingly mentioned so much have such an important place in my heart.
Things, times and people changes. But the value of a precious friendship will never changes.

No I'm not the coolest girl with the best language, not the gentlest girl with a pleasant attitude, not the prettiest beauty with a great fashion sense, not a great friend that can be there everytime & anytime for someone.
Thinking that I will put a BUT Imma .... blah blah right? That's the problem. I dont know what goodness is there in me. Everything just seems to lie inside of me and I can't really open it out to anyone because I find myself just a horrible person when I think of the things I did :(
People say that they suck, and I think it's for a reason.

Friend ask, Why? Person explains, but I dont think every single truth came out of her mouth because she's afraid that when Friend knows, Friend will look down on/change view of/angry with/upset with Person. Just an example. Might be true in my situation though.

Remembered that I have a conversation with Lorencia about secrets. She asked me is it that everyone has a secret inside them, and we both agreed that every single person in this planet earth has a deepdown untoldable secret inside them that no one else knows, and sometimes even the person her/himself dont even know.
And I wondered what's that dirty little secret of mine that I dont dare tell the world?
No I dont think I'm wondering, I think I know it, I am just thinking how to break it out to people around.
I'm nervous and I dont have the courage to know what will happen!

How good it is if I could read minds or see the future. For those random FB quiz that ask what super powers I hope I have, I always click 'read minds'. Then I can do the right things and avoid conflicts. I have been hating conflicts, even smallllll conflicts since primary school. Shivers.

Guess a blog is always good when you have no one to turn to. I'm very surprised myself that even me has a day like this!

I'm not really mentioning about someone certain or anyone. It's just a general view, and my feelings overall. I'm really afraid to tell someone, then again, I should because friends are true people who stands by us no matter what happen rain or shine right? Of course that excludes huge mistakes like betrayal.

Sigh. Should just get to sleep and prepare for a brand new day tomorrow.

Love my usual bitches and the one jerk in my life :)