“We all have different stories we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves we are too fat, or too ugly, or too old, or too foolish. We tell ourselves all these different stories because they allow us to excuse our actions, and they allow us to pass of responsibility for things we have done — maybe to something within our control, but anything other than the decisions we have made.“
— Eleanor Brown, The Weird Sisters (via 0x-ygen from Tumblr)


Food for thought.

Argh the new Macbook charger keeps coming off. But no, it doesnt irritates me because at least I have an awesome laptop. I am grateful.

Study plan fails once again, because once I am seated here, my mind goes elsewhere... Tumblring, shopping, listening to songs. Imagining the story of the songs and wondering how all the other people must have been feeling when they reblog or post something on Tumblr.

Definitely going to school tomorrow since I missed it last week. But seriously I do not like Monday lessons, the main reason being how bonded the class is, having laughter and everything, me being the ignorant me I am :( It's weird. But I am glad it's a 4-hour block. The class is cute, noisy and wonderful to be if I was part of them. Oh well, envy.

Can't say I push people away... I never even got close to them, maybe I just reverse my steps a lil bit and go back to where I've started. People I wish to get closer to, but already disappoints me somehow, birth of unwanted misunderstandings in both minds perhaps, that's how fate between two people ends I guess.

I am and hope to appear as sincere to people I meet, because I know that everyone in the world always hope to meet good people and be friends with them for eternity and beyond right? Haha. But I don't stick too close or talk too much because the other parties might not feel the same. Aiya this is a very complicated thing. Or. Maybe it's just my immature and childish thinking :(


Anyway. Met my Vivian a few days back. Glad to talk to her, because she kept me thinking. And together with Kokhoe too. Told her why I met her so little, but our friendship will stay no matter what. She is another one of a kind kind of friend. I cherish her :)

Same for Jiaxi. She always know what I am thinking and am always there. (because we same class or beside only LOL) And the few others.

Chu~ ♥ (Sandara Park hehe xoxo)

Ok since Guixiang says I should blog more often... I think I should! :>

Was doing school work at CBTL again, this time it's IIP aka internship RJ and resume. I had a résumé, but I think it's better to make use of the template they gave us, no? Am glad that YY is part of a management committee himself, and I'm able to consult him. Really blessed to have him not only as a lover, but also a friend to complain my day at school, incorrigible people, and other knots in my heart to. A mentor also maybe, but the rest of the times someone to irritate or vice versa. Hehe.

I have been a bad girl, missing 3 days of school. The first one has been said in the previous post (or previous previous?) , then the second one is because I attended The Grand Hollywood with YY and peeps, and the third one because YY off-ed my alarm! It will sure be a busy week to catch up with everything... Especially Wednesday, HRIS. I wish there will some sort if comfort on that day, other then the fact that WaiTing will be with me, but I doubt so... :(

Speaking of the Thai disco that I went, I actually experienced a few things, and regarding these few things, I'm really not surprised.

So this SG ask us to buys tequila shots, and a few of us patronize her of course, but she keep coming back, telling us how pathetic she is, how she has been chased away by customers, and how little the pay is. I just wanna tell her -- quit it. Quit complaining and just quit the job.

But I met a few Thai girls that are really good to us. Some people might say, "Of course lah, got money to earn then treat you good one." I beg to differ, sometimes you'll be able to see who's true and who's not.

Ok I shall end abruptly as this freaking china ns staff is pissing me off

At Greenwich CBTL now. It was peaceful here on a Sunday I came, and it was sooooo peaceful. but today, I hear too many voices even with my earpiece :/

And people rather risk their phone being stolen (Err, by me. Not that I steal, but she's risking) by putting their phone charging at the socket behind where I am sitting at, and she herself is sitting far far away. I mean if you see someone occupying the space with the socket you most probably will ask first (although it's a public thing) right? Grr. I am seriously just disgusted with citizens of my own country.

Another one will be the taxi uncle. I said 'Yio Chu Kang Rd, Greenwich', then he ask, 'Go drink ah?' Come on, where is the link? I said, annoyed, "No? There all restaurants what." He say, "Orh, I thought there always very bright, can drink one." Disgusted.

I mean it's really hard to have a positive outlook, for the people around you, for the strangers. Because most of them are either arrogant or they just think for themselves. Of course, sometimes I wonder whether they have been nice before, just that they experienced not getting a good treatment in return, so they give up hope on people. I hope I can continue to try and be nice to people, and always give a smile.

Did not go school today. Keep telling myself not to feel guilty because I really was not in the state for school, and I will make it up by studying hard for the lesson I miss. But I can't help it, because my parents lectured me, people appear disappointed and the what's nots.

Hate that I have two opposite sides of thoughts. Love that too. You see what I mean?
I love to say that, as a Gemini, this is why I always have two opposite feelings for a certain matter. For example, YY asked me yesterday while we are going back, 'Are you happy with the Halloween Event this year at USS?" I gave two answers, one is I am very happy and satisfied, and the other is that I don't like it. Like because I managed to enter all 3 haunted houses and went on all my favourite rides, it's all worth it, especially with YY and the other ns staff. I say that I don't like it because there was certain unhappiness in between, the waiting and everything which was very tiring, really. And sometimes when we wait, people just do not appreciate.

Maybe I should really be more neutral for things like that. Hate is not good.
NOH8.

"I don't know if you've ever felt like that.  That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years.  Or just not exist.  Or just not be aware that you do exist.  Or something like that.  I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this.  That's why I'm trying not to think.  I just want it all to stop spinning. "

- Perks of Being a Wallflower

Okay, as I tweeted, I am going to blog! It makes me happy to know that people still blog nowadays, feel like got hope like that. Haha.

Currently feeling peaceful now, but hungry! Last meal was chicken rice with Jiaxi, Kokleong, Ellen and another classmate and 12 + like that... Shall eat cup noodles at YY's later! ^^

Lessons are getting tougher as days go by. I am a really serious student when it comes school work. But after last sem, I told myself not to get so tensed at discussions, but at the same time I only want my GPA to rise and not drop. I want my desired GPA, not because I want to enter a university but because... I want to prove to myself that I can do it? Don't feel like missing any more lessons. Quite sick of having to catch up with missed lessons every time. So many pre-readings nowadays, where got time? Now everyday filled with studies worries lor, sigh. Only thing to cheer me up is meeting up with my favourite people and SHOPPING! Shopping can really make me very happy! Hehe.

Suddenly overcome with stress now. Temperamental much. Shall think of the Korea trip in December... KOREA TRIP!!!

Toodles

Life's NOT GOOD today.
Today is Friday.
It's the first day of my Year 2, Semester 2.
I wake up at 8am.
Only get to rest now after going to StarHub.

But it's great I am in the same class as Jiaxi, my comforting partner, and get to meet my Charismatix except WaiTing just now.

Twitter really replaces Blogger nowadays ya? I miss blogging, writing down all my worries while the thoughts are running in my head.

I wonder how long this dead knot in my heart will untie. I am feeling so depressed every single day, so alone. Although everything seems perfect in my life now. I am just too paranoid to everything. I cannot trust, and I cannot bring myself to sympathize people, understand their feelings, stand in their shoes and keep hurtful words to myself.

I am not like that, this is not me.
Everyday I hope to become a better person, but I just do more things disappoint myself, and as days go by I just feel worse and worse.

Back to the school topic, I M REALLY ANGRY WITH EVERYTHING. The timetable -- 8am lesson every Monday and Friday. The most undesirable facilitator will be teaching me again. And lastly, all my classmates for 5 different days are different. Why? BUT WHY?! I miss my united Y2S1 classmates. But again, lucky I still have Jiaxi, and other friends like Charismatix, 7w, L2OP that will stay together and make the efforts to meet up. For that I am really thankful.

On the way back to SengKang to see how my YY is doing, poor man of mine, getting high fever and other shits :/

Assume nothing assume nothing assume nothing assume nothing assume nothing assume nothing assume nothing assume nothing