It seems quite stupid that I don't blog if everyday is so upsetting to me when a blog is a diary. A diary!!!!!!!
My life is a fucking mess. I have to get over it.

I didnt get posted to any poly and I can't appeal. I never knew this can make me feel so damn freaking devastated. Now I don't know what to do, I just ended up asking help from MOE.

I threw the money for BMC into the sea. My own money and my father's money.

Seriously someone kill me although I know that if you really will do that I will scream and run away as far as possible but I really want to die.

I threw a huge tantrum with him in front of his friends. Can't say totally is my fault, yeah I could tolerate more and give in and shut up this mouth of mine can I. I'm so screwed up I hope someone could fix me.

I can't seem to face the world anymore whoever is it. I'm drowning in my own little hell :(

My boss told me: "You live for yourself. I treasure my life alot. Whoever tries to bring you down, whatever that brings you down, just be happy. You need to show them that you are strong."
This brought so much tears to my eyes. But I guess those people that just got to know me don't know me enough.

I don't take pictures of myself for about a few weeks already other than those that I show mum of myself wearing the clothes when I'm at work. I really feel that everything is not right now. Worse than those days when I suffered physical and more emotional pain. I don't know what to say to those who love me. Those that I badly want to tell everything to doesnt want to listen. What to do? Can karma just all come at one go?

I almost have no more strength to carry on.