很痛很痛。有人把你的照片放上网，看到了，就像几把剑插进我的心，那个痛就一直留在那里，不里它也不行。我想睡… 我不想起来。要醒来我就要看到你。为什么你可以这样子，说走就走？你可以对我公平点吗？像我这样的情绪，你要我怎样处理？我问这样多也没有用，我懂你始终不能回复我。
我想我只能当作你还是在的。在我身旁看着我，守护我，看着我睡。我只能这样。
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
10122013
Do you feel better? Just not long ago, I was the one feeling better, who felt all motivated to move to the next step of my life. You won in the end, like how you always did. But do you feel the way you wanted now? If it does, it's a closure for you. If it does, it's a closure for me too. Can you tell me you are well? Can you just tell me in one way or another? A dream, an appearance, I don't care. Just tell me, would you?
Listening to 爱到底 and 心跳，two songs (out of the many many) you used to sing, and songs you sing that really make me fall in love. Remember the days we sing at Cineleisure's Kbox till 6am in the morning? Remember those times we went for late night suppers after our movies and k-sessions? You don't know how you're making my heart break right now. I hope I will be sane enough, at least to complete my last semester of studies. After that, I have a few months to go crazy. Why are you doing this now? Why are you so selfish?
Do you know the amount of goodness you have? I might have make it sound like I can find someone better, but no. You're the one with the talents, with the wide amount of general knowledge to teach this little girl that knows less than a quarter of what's in the world, knows how to cook and will deliver it to bed for me, iron clothes to prepare for my work, sing songs dedicated to me, and best of all, make me laugh and make me smile the truest when my day was screwed. Who will do all this to and for me now? Do you know that you're able to find a girl with better personality, better looks and figures, and someone who can communicate and understand you completely?
I really want you to just appear in front of me. I want someone to tell me that this is not real. This is slowly sinking in, I know I have been strong for today, and I hope I can be tomorrow, but I am never sure. I want to be strong for me and loved ones.
Do you know how big this impact is on me now? Do you know? Can you see me now? Please, I just wanna lose all these memories, it's breaking me slowly...
Listening to 爱到底 and 心跳，two songs (out of the many many) you used to sing, and songs you sing that really make me fall in love. Remember the days we sing at Cineleisure's Kbox till 6am in the morning? Remember those times we went for late night suppers after our movies and k-sessions? You don't know how you're making my heart break right now. I hope I will be sane enough, at least to complete my last semester of studies. After that, I have a few months to go crazy. Why are you doing this now? Why are you so selfish?
Do you know the amount of goodness you have? I might have make it sound like I can find someone better, but no. You're the one with the talents, with the wide amount of general knowledge to teach this little girl that knows less than a quarter of what's in the world, knows how to cook and will deliver it to bed for me, iron clothes to prepare for my work, sing songs dedicated to me, and best of all, make me laugh and make me smile the truest when my day was screwed. Who will do all this to and for me now? Do you know that you're able to find a girl with better personality, better looks and figures, and someone who can communicate and understand you completely?
I really want you to just appear in front of me. I want someone to tell me that this is not real. This is slowly sinking in, I know I have been strong for today, and I hope I can be tomorrow, but I am never sure. I want to be strong for me and loved ones.
Do you know how big this impact is on me now? Do you know? Can you see me now? Please, I just wanna lose all these memories, it's breaking me slowly...
Monday, December 9, 2013
09122013
I just wanna sleep and sleep and sleep. Stay in and only keep in touch with the close ones.
I hate you. Why do you leave us behind, leave us hanging, leave us upset. Now you're gone, even when I've things to tell you now, how are you supposed to listen to them.
I don't know what to feel anymore and what to do with these days in my life. Part of that push to move on in life is gone.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
05112013
Time for a new post aye...
So far school is fine, lovely classmates and all. Facilitators ensures we learn, modules are interesting, normal darlings in school are around and make me laugh till my eyes turn into a line... I will definitely make the last lap in RP worthwhile x
No matter how much ridiculous and undeserving stuff happen to me, I know I am not in the worst state, though no one can stand in no one shoes exactly and precisely, pain is still pain. But all I know all along is that, if something is taken from you, good and maybe better things will come into the picture. We have no choice though. But that's what we have to live through...
As I've said -- it's the last semester in RP. Still thinking of where to go after this... Never know I will come to this certain day and I'll have the chance to even think about it. Have somewhere in mind where I want to go, what I wanna do that will allow me to have stable income and also feeling that life is not wasted at the same time. Yeap, there are such things it's just whether I work hard enough to make them come true.
So many things to say but it's okay, at this stage,I should learn to take everything the hard way, and be prepared. I guess I was prepared all you can say, or can I say that's how numbness feels like?
无话可说 我剩下什么
So far school is fine, lovely classmates and all. Facilitators ensures we learn, modules are interesting, normal darlings in school are around and make me laugh till my eyes turn into a line... I will definitely make the last lap in RP worthwhile x
No matter how much ridiculous and undeserving stuff happen to me, I know I am not in the worst state, though no one can stand in no one shoes exactly and precisely, pain is still pain. But all I know all along is that, if something is taken from you, good and maybe better things will come into the picture. We have no choice though. But that's what we have to live through...
As I've said -- it's the last semester in RP. Still thinking of where to go after this... Never know I will come to this certain day and I'll have the chance to even think about it. Have somewhere in mind where I want to go, what I wanna do that will allow me to have stable income and also feeling that life is not wasted at the same time. Yeap, there are such things it's just whether I work hard enough to make them come true.
So many things to say but it's okay, at this stage,I should learn to take everything the hard way, and be prepared. I guess I was prepared all you can say, or can I say that's how numbness feels like?
无话可说 我剩下什么
Thursday, July 18, 2013
18072013
I push people away. A lot of people do. But I don't push people in the way of keeping silent, smile, and walk away. What I do is avoid at all cost possible, having this attitude tone when talking to people and just claim that I want to be alone. It's like, I can't even 'surface' act anymore, just saying and acting what I deem fit.
But this is not permanent, pushing people away. I hope this will stop soon, because I enjoy having fun with people and randomly go to places to eat, to chill, to talk. Recently I just need a lot of time with myself. I find myself being most comfortable by being with myself, my family, my dogs, my boyfriend, or just a few good friends.
Honestly, after working at this company for almost 4 months now, I really like how I can be alone at most times and love how the office is quiet. I use to find the silence too deafening, but it's really comfortable now. I only need to talk when asking and talking to my supervisor about the tasks that I've done/did/or have to do. It's either it the type of surrounding I work comfortably in, or I just adapted to it because I have been here for a while. I think it's the latter.
Taking half day off tomorrow, so glad. This means that at this moment, I have exactly 11 days left.
Although I can't wait, I hope that I will have things to do to occupy my time during the 2 months plus holidays. I can't stand doing nothing, I will be bored to death or emotional to death (as a result of too much thinking, negative thoughts filling the mind).
Currently in a calm and very reflecting mood. Just hope that PMS won't visit me anytime this week, like how it did yesterday, where I just raged :/ It's horrible.
Really thankful for people who treat me so well and as one of their priorities x
But this is not permanent, pushing people away. I hope this will stop soon, because I enjoy having fun with people and randomly go to places to eat, to chill, to talk. Recently I just need a lot of time with myself. I find myself being most comfortable by being with myself, my family, my dogs, my boyfriend, or just a few good friends.
Honestly, after working at this company for almost 4 months now, I really like how I can be alone at most times and love how the office is quiet. I use to find the silence too deafening, but it's really comfortable now. I only need to talk when asking and talking to my supervisor about the tasks that I've done/did/or have to do. It's either it the type of surrounding I work comfortably in, or I just adapted to it because I have been here for a while. I think it's the latter.
Taking half day off tomorrow, so glad. This means that at this moment, I have exactly 11 days left.
Although I can't wait, I hope that I will have things to do to occupy my time during the 2 months plus holidays. I can't stand doing nothing, I will be bored to death or emotional to death (as a result of too much thinking, negative thoughts filling the mind).
Currently in a calm and very reflecting mood. Just hope that PMS won't visit me anytime this week, like how it did yesterday, where I just raged :/ It's horrible.
Really thankful for people who treat me so well and as one of their priorities x
Thursday, July 11, 2013
11072013
Hanging on, it's Friday tomorrow and just 3 weeks more to holidays!
Seriously cannot wait. I mean work is fine and everything, I've gotten used to waking up early, withstanding the long hours of sitting at the desk. But holidays will always be something to look forward to right?
Anyway... Caught by my boss yesterday for shopping online, and he goes like, "Hor, bei wo zuo dao ni mai yi fu hor!" Which means, "Hor, buying clothes, caught by me hor!" Hahaha. Dieeee. But I'm seriously someone who can't just sit here for like 4 hours straight looking at the same thing. I need a break! I mean, look at me blogging now. Of course I know that in this working society, it is like that. Well, well.
20 minutes to finishing work!!! Cannot wait. Nothing is going on in my life except work so this post will be all about work work work. Hahaha toodooooos
Seriously cannot wait. I mean work is fine and everything, I've gotten used to waking up early, withstanding the long hours of sitting at the desk. But holidays will always be something to look forward to right?
Anyway... Caught by my boss yesterday for shopping online, and he goes like, "Hor, bei wo zuo dao ni mai yi fu hor!" Which means, "Hor, buying clothes, caught by me hor!" Hahaha. Dieeee. But I'm seriously someone who can't just sit here for like 4 hours straight looking at the same thing. I need a break! I mean, look at me blogging now. Of course I know that in this working society, it is like that. Well, well.
20 minutes to finishing work!!! Cannot wait. Nothing is going on in my life except work so this post will be all about work work work. Hahaha toodooooos
Monday, July 8, 2013
08072013
I think that blogging is actually healthy, it helps me to think properly and more calmly? Anyway, I seriously think this infamous thing called PMS really can mess up one's life. I really find myself becoming two different person when having and without PMS. When I thought that it already cannot be worse with me being a Gemini?! But I really like being a Gemini, although it gives me two characters and make me appear as some two-faced someone lol.
I really believe in horoscope, because most of the facts are really just true, not just for Gemini. One thing about Gemini that is not true for me, is being the most sociable and humorous horoscope, which is the least true for me. Yes that may be a 'shortcoming' for me in some way but I don't treat it as too important a factor in my life. Of course I will wish to be like super sociable if possible lah.
Boss is not in today! Hahaha. Finally completed all my tasks last week... But boss has handed me another one, and seriously I haven't even find the codes responsible for the parts that I'm supposed to change/improve on. I'm so dead. There are 4 more weeks left including this week... WHICH IS SUPER GOOD THING. I don't exactly dislike my internship, but I suppose I will rather do without it. I am a person who likes sleep quite a lot so no internship actually means more hours of sleep. Hah!
Just booked my first practical lesson yesterday. Like FINALLY. Didn't know that just ONE lesson can be so super expensive. God. And at least 20 lessons is required before the test. For school o.o'
Didn't take private because I don't think I'm ready enough for private lessons, if you know what I mean, because private is supposedly, normally, for people who can try the driving at home and people who know driving more? I don't know man...
I've been purchasing items from Taobao recently and is quite a happymermaid93... But yesterday, an Instagrammer from... LA? Commented that one of the design for the phone case that I have bought for my Xperia Z is actually copied from her designs and, damn, her designs are really amazing. There is this cheshire cat, fleur-de-lis, Johnny Depp and most importantly, mermaid -- all of my favorite characters, logos, etc. I hope that somehow she will be able to claim her copyrights(?) but I think it might be hard because, well, it's in China... Hard to say huh? But one more time, I REALLY LOVE HER DESIGNS.
Talking about Xperia Z, bought it because I lost my phone (duh). My dearest iPhone 5. It will always be my favorite phone and I think that I will buy it again one day, but not any sooner because there is no big reason to just disown this new Sony phone. Xperia Z is sleek and all, but I get really irritated by the interface and the Google-voice input thing which after I disable for like a day or two, it comes back again. Yes, went to settings but no use lah ok... But a phone is a phone, I'm glad to have one anyway, just grateful. #firstworldproblems hahaha
Nothing productive this morning, except engaging bgr (lol) tweets convo with Joyce and Agnes, then this Pokemon convo with Lorraine and Davina. Super nonsense, but definitely make my day much better and time passed really fast... And also, WA with my favouritest faci ever, Ben! Hehe I just miss the Marketing lesson, the classmates, and this facilitator lah...
It's gonna be a busy, tiring, but fun-filled week meeting my babies! Hehe, on another good note, meeting le bro Lee Leong Leong later. Life is good, life is good. No Monday blues, thank god x
Ok just some pictures cuz I realise it has been all words for quite long. Sampat pics for you
I really believe in horoscope, because most of the facts are really just true, not just for Gemini. One thing about Gemini that is not true for me, is being the most sociable and humorous horoscope, which is the least true for me. Yes that may be a 'shortcoming' for me in some way but I don't treat it as too important a factor in my life. Of course I will wish to be like super sociable if possible lah.
Boss is not in today! Hahaha. Finally completed all my tasks last week... But boss has handed me another one, and seriously I haven't even find the codes responsible for the parts that I'm supposed to change/improve on. I'm so dead. There are 4 more weeks left including this week... WHICH IS SUPER GOOD THING. I don't exactly dislike my internship, but I suppose I will rather do without it. I am a person who likes sleep quite a lot so no internship actually means more hours of sleep. Hah!
Just booked my first practical lesson yesterday. Like FINALLY. Didn't know that just ONE lesson can be so super expensive. God. And at least 20 lessons is required before the test. For school o.o'
Didn't take private because I don't think I'm ready enough for private lessons, if you know what I mean, because private is supposedly, normally, for people who can try the driving at home and people who know driving more? I don't know man...
I've been purchasing items from Taobao recently and is quite a happymermaid93... But yesterday, an Instagrammer from... LA? Commented that one of the design for the phone case that I have bought for my Xperia Z is actually copied from her designs and, damn, her designs are really amazing. There is this cheshire cat, fleur-de-lis, Johnny Depp and most importantly, mermaid -- all of my favorite characters, logos, etc. I hope that somehow she will be able to claim her copyrights(?) but I think it might be hard because, well, it's in China... Hard to say huh? But one more time, I REALLY LOVE HER DESIGNS.
Talking about Xperia Z, bought it because I lost my phone (duh). My dearest iPhone 5. It will always be my favorite phone and I think that I will buy it again one day, but not any sooner because there is no big reason to just disown this new Sony phone. Xperia Z is sleek and all, but I get really irritated by the interface and the Google-voice input thing which after I disable for like a day or two, it comes back again. Yes, went to settings but no use lah ok... But a phone is a phone, I'm glad to have one anyway, just grateful. #firstworldproblems hahaha
Nothing productive this morning, except engaging bgr (lol) tweets convo with Joyce and Agnes, then this Pokemon convo with Lorraine and Davina. Super nonsense, but definitely make my day much better and time passed really fast... And also, WA with my favouritest faci ever, Ben! Hehe I just miss the Marketing lesson, the classmates, and this facilitator lah...
It's gonna be a busy, tiring, but fun-filled week meeting my babies! Hehe, on another good note, meeting le bro Lee Leong Leong later. Life is good, life is good. No Monday blues, thank god x
Ok just some pictures cuz I realise it has been all words for quite long. Sampat pics for you
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| Dear addition to our family --Rainbow x |
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| Love how she sleeps |
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| Mummy's daughter |
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| Popo and her granddaughters hahaha |
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