18072013

I push people away. A lot of people do. But I don't push people in the way of keeping silent, smile, and walk away. What I do is avoid at all cost possible, having this attitude tone when talking to people and just claim that I want to be alone. It's like, I can't even 'surface' act anymore, just saying and acting what I deem fit.

But this is not permanent, pushing people away. I hope this will stop soon, because I enjoy having fun with people and randomly go to places to eat, to chill, to talk. Recently I just need a lot of time with myself. I find myself being most comfortable by being with myself, my family, my dogs, my boyfriend, or just a few good friends.

Honestly, after working at this company for almost 4 months now, I really like how I can be alone at most times and love how the office is quiet. I use to find the silence too deafening, but it's really comfortable now. I only need to talk when asking and talking to my supervisor about the tasks that I've done/did/or have to do. It's either it the type of surrounding I work comfortably in, or I just adapted to it because I have been here for a while. I think it's the latter.

Taking half day off tomorrow, so glad. This means that at this moment, I have exactly 11 days left.

Although I can't wait, I hope that I will have things to do to occupy my time during the 2 months plus holidays. I can't stand doing nothing, I will be bored to death or emotional to death (as a result of too much thinking, negative thoughts filling the mind).

Currently in a calm and very reflecting mood. Just hope that PMS won't visit me anytime this week, like how it did yesterday, where I just raged :/ It's horrible.

Really thankful for people who treat me so well and as one of their priorities x