22072014

5th month with boy today. How fast was that? Haha to be honest it seemed really draggy and long at first, like oh, it's only the 2nd month. And now I'm thinking like, well 5 months is just 5, but almost half a year has gone by! (yeap I do understand the term 'long' means 10 years or more) Not only the times I spend tgt with Shermy, the year is ending real soon too, and it seemed only like yesterday that I have graduated. Missing RP and the own-pace-own-problem way of life. 

Maybe god (generically) took some things away and gave me some pain to take, only to allow me to meet someone beautiful, have better thoughts and more positive about life, because I've probably proved that I somehow deserved it? Not to say I was a perfect number 1 girlfriend in the whole wide world, but I was being really responsible and doing everything right. I didn't know what was wrong. But being an obedient, considerate and self-conscious girl giving everything might be the problem itself after all. 

Nevertheless, it was a whole lot of mess to clear up and out of my life -- also the biggest lesson I have learnt so far out of life. Currently, I'm still having the ups and downs (small or big) of life, learning and experiencing the cruel but amazing life (after turning 21st especially), understanding myself and relationships. 

Life with Shermy has been really wonderful I can say. Despite the recent quarrels last two months which have only positive effects aftermath; from him I've learnt to love myself more, look at myself in a different way. I've never ever define myself as pretty, not say beautiful even. I think that's because no other halves of mine have ever told me that. I've learnt to receive and not just give... It has been a while and it took me sometime to adapt to all the concern, care and attention I've been showered with (which was unbelievably one of the problems I had in this 5 months with boy)

I has been criticized for behaving the way I was before, thus having to watch my every step with everything I do or say. Now I finally found 'that' self back and I'm really really grateful that this boy love me no matter what ugly faces I pull, unglamourous things I have done (some are done purposely to put to test -- success), dreadful things I've said to him, and that black part of my heart that has been revealed to him. He never judged me, and by that I really mean never. Silly things like walking clumsily and almost falling down, he'll give me a fond look because that's how he love me -- me being myself. I'm not exactly skinny now myself (thus the workouts I've been starting) but he never once minded it and he will just say that I'm perfect and beautiful for every time I complained (and doing nothing) about my body as a reply. 

I mean, this kind of thing used to be quite bullshit to me because such things only happen in movies, storybooks, medieval times, my parents' times yadayadayada... But I'm experiencing it myself for real this time. We do quarrel over stuffs like jealousy, really differing opinions and never getting to agree with each other, and (me) having problems with the way he do some things -- of which I realise isn't a big issue and I can actually get used to and is able to accept, because that was how I wanted people to treat me in the first place. 

All in all, I understand that life will have sudden changes in certain points of life, and I will accept it if there is gonna be one between me and Shermy, no matter how bad it might get. But for now, I'll have faith -- that's what he always tells me, have faith. 

"Have faith and enjoy, that's how you can live the moment. I know that the future is unexpected, but what if you take a leap of faith and it might turn out good after all? I have trust and faith that we'll turn out well."

That's what he said to me, at least along that line. And I know I'm never gonna be happy if I don't try. 

Just a sudden rush of need for blogging, let's hope I'll be back tomorrow haha