I swear I'm so fucking stressed up now I can break down and cry if someone is to shout at me now.
I had a hard day at work ytd night and yeah becuz I lack sleep and I was careless but I already try to be alerted and Im so disappointed with myself why something like that happen I didnt want it to and I feel so useless and I swear I will fucking cry if I were to be fired one day.
God bless me that I dont make anymore mistakes.
I know I should be sleeping by now having to wake up at 6am later on for another job. But I dont know why I always get so depressed when I'm at home so I chose to linger outside for awhile before coming home. After bathing and Im stuck onto this chair and roaming around the cyber world.
I get so fucked up by myself most of the times. I can prevent so many things to happen by myself but I close one eye on myself everytime and think, it's okay one lah nevermind one lah and do it.
Like? Spending loads of ten bucks for cab fare, dragging my time for work and then there's no time to take public cheap transport. I forget things damn easily, like forgetting to bring my ex-link card and spending $6 to go to interchange when I can get there with 69cents only. I have no notes nor coins and the ATM is far away. I always cover the ATM when it shows how much money is left in my bank becuz I dont dare to know how much I have left in my account. Pathetic much? Yeah me think so too.

I've become so pessimistic and lack of confidence. When I have confidence, something always dampen my spirits and pull me down. I have high hopes and fall easily. I'm not a strong person. I always think twice about everything, appropriate anot. I know thinking before speaking is a must but I do that too much or I did it wrongly. Or sometimes I dont think when I speak and I just blurt out something damn wrong.

:(

I really dont like myself seriously. I dont love myself who will right? But I seriously dont know what to do already. I dont do things that are right becuz I dont like it.

I really envy people who can be themselves all the time becuz I can't. I'm so aware of myself.

This dont make me feel any better. I dont know what to do with my life.

"Perfection, something I try to acheive yet always fall short of."