It seems quite stupid that I don't blog if everyday is so upsetting to me when a blog is a diary. A diary!!!!!!!
My life is a fucking mess. I have to get over it.
I didnt get posted to any poly and I can't appeal. I never knew this can make me feel so damn freaking devastated. Now I don't know what to do, I just ended up asking help from MOE.
I threw the money for BMC into the sea. My own money and my father's money.
Seriously someone kill me although I know that if you really will do that I will scream and run away as far as possible but I really want to die.
I threw a huge tantrum with him in front of his friends. Can't say totally is my fault, yeah I could tolerate more and give in and shut up this mouth of mine can I. I'm so screwed up I hope someone could fix me.
I can't seem to face the world anymore whoever is it. I'm drowning in my own little hell :(
My boss told me: "You live for yourself. I treasure my life alot. Whoever tries to bring you down, whatever that brings you down, just be happy. You need to show them that you are strong."
This brought so much tears to my eyes. But I guess those people that just got to know me don't know me enough.
I don't take pictures of myself for about a few weeks already other than those that I show mum of myself wearing the clothes when I'm at work. I really feel that everything is not right now. Worse than those days when I suffered physical and more emotional pain. I don't know what to say to those who love me. Those that I badly want to tell everything to doesnt want to listen. What to do? Can karma just all come at one go?
I almost have no more strength to carry on.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Some motivation only got me going for a few days, and it stop and everything starts again.
After talking to Mr Raja today, I realise how low my self-esteem is compared to the past.
Helloooooooo will someone convince me that it'll all be okay? Everything I did are like haunting me :(
Met up G, X after their CCA yesterday and before that I accompany Jiayee home :) Talked so much stuffs with her and I feel very happy that after a few months we still got along so well :) So much things happened for these two years huh. The years that most of us change so much...
Had Yoshinoya and 768 later on. I feel so drained that I cabbed home. Has been taking taxi so much nowadays I feel so guilty and poor...
I'm finally going for a job interview tomorrow. If it's successful I'm gonna shop my pretty ass off!
Yet to submit my choices. Should go now :)
After talking to Mr Raja today, I realise how low my self-esteem is compared to the past.
Helloooooooo will someone convince me that it'll all be okay? Everything I did are like haunting me :(
Met up G, X after their CCA yesterday and before that I accompany Jiayee home :) Talked so much stuffs with her and I feel very happy that after a few months we still got along so well :) So much things happened for these two years huh. The years that most of us change so much...
Had Yoshinoya and 768 later on. I feel so drained that I cabbed home. Has been taking taxi so much nowadays I feel so guilty and poor...
I'm finally going for a job interview tomorrow. If it's successful I'm gonna shop my pretty ass off!
Yet to submit my choices. Should go now :)
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I've got this weird feeling of wanting to do something so badly but no idea what? These hormones are going wrong again man :(
Stressing over where to go! Not like I have alot of choices but it's last minute I must decide man. Even if I choose a course I like I dont know where I can head to. My points are barely merit. Im sighing bitterly now.
Congratulations to Zubaidah!!! And all my other ex-Riversidians friends for getting great grades for O's. Not like me. *poking index fingers* Eh but I think I very optimistic eh. LOL
Ok some quick pictures from my dear Bali trip before I go to bathe. Just no motivation to bathe man.
1st day at around late afternoon.
Long time since I sat on a plane... Since p4/5? :)
So I was damn very the excited when we were about to check in... Camwhored the moment we were on the way to the airport!
It was fantastic you know when the plane set off and everything the whole of SG become smaller. I still cant believe that SG is only a smalllllll dot lor -.-
Was on Garuda Airlines. I love aeroplane food! ^.^ Even if they might taste horrible lah.
We have to take a bus from the plane to the airport after we reach Bali. The impression of Bali dont appear that fresh to me becuz it looks sort like Malaysia eh (:
The people are damn friendly, even the guy who stamped my passport hehe.
We were actually supposed to be in a tour but becuz 7th-10th was the most un-peak period after school has started so no one signed up :(
The tour guide bring us to a 7-sitter Suzuki car and off we went to Harris Hotel and I had quite a fun time time with myself in the bath tub before I head to bed. LOL
Day 2! First stop at batik factory where they show us the process and everything and we can buy them inside the big batik shopping centre. Super expensive the clothes, like SGD40+ for something I wont usually wear and for a souvenir :(
So I passed and bought a few batik purses!
Went to this wood sculpting place where all the ornaments are hand-made.
Sis bought an owl ( standard one her fav animal ) and dad bought a dragon...
Lunched at this place which is like a 2+ hours ride to the top of the mountain where the scenery is totally breathtaking! If I wasnt in the sleepy mode :/
Lunch was not ok! Ambience was :D Ordered ice lemon tea, tasted different from any I drank before.
Went a few more places. Sacred temple where the path is on the sea and becuz it's raining we can't cross over :(
There's the strawberry farm! Totally organic man the strawberries. Small and fresh and handpicked... By us truly ^^ Love it.
Went to a beach later on... And the along the route to the beach got alotttttttt of stalls sell souvenirs and bags at damn cheap price but it was raining so no much shopping for us :(
My flats spoiled! Bought a new flowery slipper :D (wore it when I met Aiai and TL today :D)
Ohoh and there's a bat hanging outside one of the stalls! I guess it's a pet bat... It has a pearl necklace collar on its neck :D
Dinner at what looks like a really high class restaurant! Balinese dance was really catchy, I like! Went shopping at SOGO shopping centre. Find nothing while Mum and Sister bought slippers. Everywhere can see people sell branded goods replicas :(
Was kinda in a bad mood before the day ends becuz we walked like a whole 45 minutes back to the hotel when the tour guide told us it's only 10 minutes. M.F.A.H!!!! Zao zhi dao take cab you know. Damn cheap de.
Day 3! Last day of playing :( yet the best day of the 4 :D
Everyone turned up with relaxing beach wear! Woohoo time for some dunking in the water :)
There's not much photos of us playing the water activities.
Sister and I played the Fly Fish or something. We lied down on a rocket look-like thing.
Eh great i found pictures :D
Heh save explaining. LOL
Exciting like siao ok! So scared of falling down and plopping into the water.
Then banana boat with whole family :D
We took a yacht (?) to turtle island! Love the ride and love my hair man (v)
There is this glass on the floor of the boat when we can see thru the water and see the fishes and corals etc :D
So much fun in this place!!! First I wet my shorts by squatting too much while taking photos with the turtles -.-
Then, when I held the turtles, they just cant stop flapping their 'wings' like fidgeting and cant wait to get off my grasp like that. I damn sad lor :( Even the bat also like that. When I damn freaking scared of it you know!!!! Holding a bat......... Never imagine I'll do something like this man. LOL
But when my sister holding them right, they guai guai let her hold leh? I was like what?!?!?! Huo mao san zhang. Maybe my sister got mama smell ^^ Or maybe the animals very excited when I hold them becuz I so pretty. Or becuz my shirt got parrot. Make sense make sense.
Then... Got one bird with big yellow beak called Mariah :D She's a very cute thing I tell you. She's on my arm when I preparing to take a photo with it. Then I look at her, she look back at me. I jitao scared she peck me with the beak then I turn away quickly. Laughs when I think of it man! *think of Mariah*
I love the guide above ^^
He's so cute and friendly!!!
We have coconut drink before going off to lunch.
Lunch was in a boat, small like cruise.
There was a surprise for us and that is taking photos with the balinese costume! :D Had so much fun with the costumes hehe.
Went to this place that tells us the history of Bali :) Like Night at the Museum like that!
After that... It was the longgggggggg awaited spa man.
Sister and I had the whole body spa!
Jacuzzi, sauna, foot massage and whole body massage. Super song I tell you. Though abit awkward have to take off all my clothes lah ^^
I dont know sauna so hot inside man. When there's water dripping down from my neck I thought they come from my wet hair. Then when I tell this to sis, she tell me I'm sweating. LOL
Coffee factory was next :D
Love the coffee, the plants, the machines and the facts and origin of coffee.
Coffee beans are actually cherries!!!
It can prevent us women from having many kind of diseases and it's good for you even if you drink up to 5-6 cups of coffee.
W-O-W
You know usually when we drink the packets 3in1 coffee? The beans to make this coffee are actually either sort of rotten or something one, but can drink one!!! That one is the lowest class, then the female bean which is half a perfect bean, then the most high class is the male bean which is one whole bean after eating the female bean :D
Eh I actually still remember sia LOL
Maybe I should choose a course in poly similar to this kinda thing one since I can remember interesting things like this so well. Have anot har? I still headaching sia.
Dinner at the beach! Again, I dont know that I'll ever have this chance to dine in such a romantic place with such wonderful scenery and the wind... The salty smell. The night sky!!! Even got fireworks. It's already so enjoying with my family, I wonder how it'll be like with my husband :)
The food is so-so, love the satay and prawns... I ate like 4/5 of the crabs already then mum take a bite of mine............... Then she tell me my crab is spoiled!!! Wahlao I feel like vomitting becuz she say maybe attacked by mosquitoes then die then they cook. Tmd like that how to continue eat right!!!
We went shopping by ourselves at night!!! :D
Bought wine by myself (; Get a few snacks and so~ It started raining again sigh so we cabbed back...
Loving the soso affordable cab fare!
The meter is showing RP9500 which is like less than SGD1! Believe it or not. We sat on the cab like about 1-2km liao leh ^^
Last day! I totally look like Hawaiian LOL
Love the flower on my hair! ^^
We went shopping at those road stalls. Bargain like siao~
They have these branded sunglasses replicas. I from SGD40 bargain until SGD9. Li hai or what?!?!?
I learnt abit of Malay leh...
Berlaper?
Checking out of the hotel :( So sad man. Went for lunch at this chinese restaurant ^^
BEST FOOD WE'VE TASTED FOR THESE 4 DAYS!!! LOL
Took bo liao pictures and everything... Then went to the airport liao.
Everything duty free ^^
But I left no money :(
Can't stop gasping at how miraculous these clouds look. Totally 100% boomz man.
There's no row no.13 seats! :S
More for you...
That's Singapore, our homeland, it's here that we belong~~~~
Yeap and daddy go buy wine from airport! And then we cabbed home already ^^
More photos at Facebook.
I definitely want to visit Bali Bali again lor! So memorable and so much fun there. Love it love it love it!!!
Next stop............. Korea/Japan :D SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEY!!!
YKH is sick now :(
Aiai also :(
Can't wait to find them + XT + TL + Meixia and Jiayee perhaps? HOPEFULLY.
Meeting Jiaren on Thursday! She's sucha strong girl I must say. Stay like this alright :)
TIME TO BE MOTIVATED.
"Love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."
I love you K.
Stressing over where to go! Not like I have alot of choices but it's last minute I must decide man. Even if I choose a course I like I dont know where I can head to. My points are barely merit. Im sighing bitterly now.
Congratulations to Zubaidah!!! And all my other ex-Riversidians friends for getting great grades for O's. Not like me. *poking index fingers* Eh but I think I very optimistic eh. LOL
Ok some quick pictures from my dear Bali trip before I go to bathe. Just no motivation to bathe man.
1st day at around late afternoon.
Long time since I sat on a plane... Since p4/5? :)
So I was damn very the excited when we were about to check in... Camwhored the moment we were on the way to the airport!
It was fantastic you know when the plane set off and everything the whole of SG become smaller. I still cant believe that SG is only a smalllllll dot lor -.-
Was on Garuda Airlines. I love aeroplane food! ^.^ Even if they might taste horrible lah.
We have to take a bus from the plane to the airport after we reach Bali. The impression of Bali dont appear that fresh to me becuz it looks sort like Malaysia eh (:
The people are damn friendly, even the guy who stamped my passport hehe.
We were actually supposed to be in a tour but becuz 7th-10th was the most un-peak period after school has started so no one signed up :(
The tour guide bring us to a 7-sitter Suzuki car and off we went to Harris Hotel and I had quite a fun time time with myself in the bath tub before I head to bed. LOL
Day 2! First stop at batik factory where they show us the process and everything and we can buy them inside the big batik shopping centre. Super expensive the clothes, like SGD40+ for something I wont usually wear and for a souvenir :(
So I passed and bought a few batik purses!
Went to this wood sculpting place where all the ornaments are hand-made.
Sis bought an owl ( standard one her fav animal ) and dad bought a dragon...
Lunched at this place which is like a 2+ hours ride to the top of the mountain where the scenery is totally breathtaking! If I wasnt in the sleepy mode :/
Lunch was not ok! Ambience was :D Ordered ice lemon tea, tasted different from any I drank before.
Went a few more places. Sacred temple where the path is on the sea and becuz it's raining we can't cross over :(
There's the strawberry farm! Totally organic man the strawberries. Small and fresh and handpicked... By us truly ^^ Love it.
Went to a beach later on... And the along the route to the beach got alotttttttt of stalls sell souvenirs and bags at damn cheap price but it was raining so no much shopping for us :(
My flats spoiled! Bought a new flowery slipper :D (wore it when I met Aiai and TL today :D)
Ohoh and there's a bat hanging outside one of the stalls! I guess it's a pet bat... It has a pearl necklace collar on its neck :D
Dinner at what looks like a really high class restaurant! Balinese dance was really catchy, I like! Went shopping at SOGO shopping centre. Find nothing while Mum and Sister bought slippers. Everywhere can see people sell branded goods replicas :(
Was kinda in a bad mood before the day ends becuz we walked like a whole 45 minutes back to the hotel when the tour guide told us it's only 10 minutes. M.F.A.H!!!! Zao zhi dao take cab you know. Damn cheap de.
Day 3! Last day of playing :( yet the best day of the 4 :D
Everyone turned up with relaxing beach wear! Woohoo time for some dunking in the water :)
There's not much photos of us playing the water activities.
Sister and I played the Fly Fish or something. We lied down on a rocket look-like thing.
Eh great i found pictures :D
Heh save explaining. LOL
Exciting like siao ok! So scared of falling down and plopping into the water.
Then banana boat with whole family :D
We took a yacht (?) to turtle island! Love the ride and love my hair man (v)
There is this glass on the floor of the boat when we can see thru the water and see the fishes and corals etc :D
So much fun in this place!!! First I wet my shorts by squatting too much while taking photos with the turtles -.-
Then, when I held the turtles, they just cant stop flapping their 'wings' like fidgeting and cant wait to get off my grasp like that. I damn sad lor :( Even the bat also like that. When I damn freaking scared of it you know!!!! Holding a bat......... Never imagine I'll do something like this man. LOL
But when my sister holding them right, they guai guai let her hold leh? I was like what?!?!?! Huo mao san zhang. Maybe my sister got mama smell ^^ Or maybe the animals very excited when I hold them becuz I so pretty. Or becuz my shirt got parrot. Make sense make sense.
Then... Got one bird with big yellow beak called Mariah :D She's a very cute thing I tell you. She's on my arm when I preparing to take a photo with it. Then I look at her, she look back at me. I jitao scared she peck me with the beak then I turn away quickly. Laughs when I think of it man! *think of Mariah*
I love the guide above ^^
He's so cute and friendly!!!
We have coconut drink before going off to lunch.
Lunch was in a boat, small like cruise.
There was a surprise for us and that is taking photos with the balinese costume! :D Had so much fun with the costumes hehe.
Went to this place that tells us the history of Bali :) Like Night at the Museum like that!
After that... It was the longgggggggg awaited spa man.
Sister and I had the whole body spa!
Jacuzzi, sauna, foot massage and whole body massage. Super song I tell you. Though abit awkward have to take off all my clothes lah ^^
I dont know sauna so hot inside man. When there's water dripping down from my neck I thought they come from my wet hair. Then when I tell this to sis, she tell me I'm sweating. LOL
Coffee factory was next :D
Love the coffee, the plants, the machines and the facts and origin of coffee.
Coffee beans are actually cherries!!!
It can prevent us women from having many kind of diseases and it's good for you even if you drink up to 5-6 cups of coffee.
W-O-W
You know usually when we drink the packets 3in1 coffee? The beans to make this coffee are actually either sort of rotten or something one, but can drink one!!! That one is the lowest class, then the female bean which is half a perfect bean, then the most high class is the male bean which is one whole bean after eating the female bean :D
Eh I actually still remember sia LOL
Maybe I should choose a course in poly similar to this kinda thing one since I can remember interesting things like this so well. Have anot har? I still headaching sia.
Dinner at the beach! Again, I dont know that I'll ever have this chance to dine in such a romantic place with such wonderful scenery and the wind... The salty smell. The night sky!!! Even got fireworks. It's already so enjoying with my family, I wonder how it'll be like with my husband :)
The food is so-so, love the satay and prawns... I ate like 4/5 of the crabs already then mum take a bite of mine............... Then she tell me my crab is spoiled!!! Wahlao I feel like vomitting becuz she say maybe attacked by mosquitoes then die then they cook. Tmd like that how to continue eat right!!!
We went shopping by ourselves at night!!! :D
Bought wine by myself (; Get a few snacks and so~ It started raining again sigh so we cabbed back...
Loving the soso affordable cab fare!
The meter is showing RP9500 which is like less than SGD1! Believe it or not. We sat on the cab like about 1-2km liao leh ^^
Last day! I totally look like Hawaiian LOL
Love the flower on my hair! ^^
We went shopping at those road stalls. Bargain like siao~
They have these branded sunglasses replicas. I from SGD40 bargain until SGD9. Li hai or what?!?!?
I learnt abit of Malay leh...
Berlaper?
Checking out of the hotel :( So sad man. Went for lunch at this chinese restaurant ^^
BEST FOOD WE'VE TASTED FOR THESE 4 DAYS!!! LOL
Took bo liao pictures and everything... Then went to the airport liao.
Everything duty free ^^
But I left no money :(
Can't stop gasping at how miraculous these clouds look. Totally 100% boomz man.
There's no row no.13 seats! :S
More for you...
That's Singapore, our homeland, it's here that we belong~~~~
Yeap and daddy go buy wine from airport! And then we cabbed home already ^^
More photos at Facebook.
I definitely want to visit Bali Bali again lor! So memorable and so much fun there. Love it love it love it!!!
Next stop............. Korea/Japan :D SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEY!!!
YKH is sick now :(
Aiai also :(
Can't wait to find them + XT + TL + Meixia and Jiayee perhaps? HOPEFULLY.
Meeting Jiaren on Thursday! She's sucha strong girl I must say. Stay like this alright :)
TIME TO BE MOTIVATED.
"Love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."
I love you K.
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