25102016

Long bus ride mmmm
On 963 to Woodlands Regional Library to do some studying. No idea why school is just not the environment for me to do self-studying haha because it's like there is a layer of stressful atmosphere, which I think has been garnered since the past two years of brain-wrecking sessions that last till late nights in school LOL

Is it because I feel that I won't be able to do well and because I'm not doing well? With the add-on of feeling how lacking I am in terms of passion and competency, after speaking to some people and realizing the huge gap? Is it because I'm too eager to want to realize how I am able to provide for my loved ones? Or is it because I feel like there are opportunities that I am walking past everyday where these opportunities won't be there for me again? Or is it because there are some distractions that I know will fix me in the wrong ways, for sure? I guess I am feeling sorry towards a number of people in my life for various reasons - where some of them I couldn't wait to make it up to, and there's a few who I don't know how to.

Are these all that's troubling me? Maybe I should do some testing and analysis on myself LOL too much of software testing for the past few weeks

Hope that I can be more productive today. Yes I have done my part for all the work that I must do, but I have been slacking on catching up with revision. Yes I shall do as said and if I didn't do it I'm going to come back here and scold myself lol

Missed how magically blogging can allow me to realize inner thoughts which I am unable to sort out in my head, which I will be unable to tell anyone if it has not been put out into rational sentences in my head. It's all good, all good.

Meanwhile, so thankful for the Friday spent with aiai last week. It has been the most meaningful meet-up and h2h talk we have had in such a long time. I definitely feel so so so blessed to have her, on a level which no one else will be with me.

Thankful for the simple Saturday with boy too, a lighthearted one, eating what we like to eat, watching what we like to watch and doing what we like to do. And that's all I need when I'm with him on a rare and common free day for us both.

Then for today, I'm thankful to meet le bro LeeLeongLeong, who will always be there silently and at weird times that are surprisingly right, to exchange a few concerning words and rant about school. It is just so awesome to have this bro of mine in the same school now.

Till then *waves*

12102016

Feel a rush of loneliness for quite a while, for the whole day, so I reckon I will come here and speak whatever is in my mind now. Then again, I am quite sure it's the hormones in action because it's the period of the month, what's more I have been having cramps for the whole evening. Quite sure I'll be feeling all bubbly again soon hahaha HOPEFULLY, I think also might be because it has been days since I saw Shermy.

So, this Friday marks the end of Week 6 and tadaa! Recess week is hereeee but even though the thought of the week brings happiness, the cohort jolly well knows it's the time to clear up shit and get ready for the 2nd part of the trimester. This Friday also marks......... The THIRD adventure to HHN6 with Shermy!!! Second time with Piak and KL. FIRST WITH JOEY LIM TWINNY. HAHAHA

HHN5

HHN4

Pictures kop-ed from IG from screenshots lol. Don't think I'll ever get sick and tired of HHN or just USS itself. LOOKING FORWARD TO FUTURE HHNs OF PAYING TO SCARE MYSELF and even after I have kids I'll bring them up with the courage to accompany me to HHNs lolll

Remembering like 8-10 years ago, when I blog I just pour everything out along while thinking, and currently at this moment, I envy my ability to do that back then hahaha. Right now it is never wise to not consider who will chance upon the blog. Remembering the days when no one will make a fuss out of a thinking out loud blog post, whereas every single thing is blown up nowadays when it is not a tad significant to anyone else's life *roll eyes*

But anyway my point is, I am curious to know what's bothering me currently through writing but apparently it doesn't just flow out naturally like how I thought it would LOL
Upon the end of writing this post, I shall go and work on a doc and ppt that are due tomorrow. (I guess that means I will drag finishing this post hahaha) I didn't want to start work with a troubled mind.

Ok maybe something to discuss with invisible audience here, or rather with myself - do you still think twice or thrice before speaking to someone, with the mindset of not wanting to say something that might offend/bore/sadden the other party? I am not exactly one that speaks my mind without thinking, and in fact, I use different tones, gestures, body language and level of enthusiasm in my voice lolol when I talk to different groups or individuals. I think that's why I find it tiring to talk to people nowadays and one of the best things I can get is to take the train home alone while listening to songs I have played for at least a 100 times because, I rarely update my phone playlist. Speaking of that, I shall download some songs later too.
I guess that it has really became a phase whereby I gradually listen to lesser and lesser new songs, and play songs from the past that feel really nostalgic, classic example being  最熟悉的陌生人 LOL, a must-sing song in the past whenever I go to K with aiai and laopo.
So back to the topic. Sometimes I find it pointless and will scold myself stupid when I have to think for an unreasonable number of seconds or minutes before replying to someone (text message) because it's like, why am I trying so hard to think of words such that it will make myself more "pleasant" to the other party. Maybe this is just me lah (I know a lot of things is not just me LOL but sometimes after I tell my opinions to someone, they'll pause and be like, oh you feel like that ah, I don't yadayada), it is not as bad as I make it sound here LOL because it's part of life and socializing ma right and it's not like one whole conversation everything I send have to think.

But, I really miss the times or I really love it when I can just spurt out whatever is in my mind or don't even go through my mind to another individual without getting judged too much (judge is ok lolol), I think that is da bezzz sia. At a time like this and I mean time like 12.21am as it is now, I feel like going to Woodlands Waterfront like how I used to go there alone whenever I feel like, without worrying for my own safety lol -- then again since when I worry for my safety so much ah? Scared suddenly got flasher or like if got guy walk past at night I'll be super alert and skeptical LOL. But anyway now I am at Yishun and I couldn't possibly go to Woodlands Waterfront although Yishun dam is an alternative hahaha but things are just not the same anymore -- not that it is a bad thing. Maybe, perhaps after I have access to a more convenient way of travelling *wink*

A lot of things I have mentioned in this and recent blog posts might be cliche but I think that's why personal blogging is practically dead now because people scared whoever will see the post will judge ma. I think that's one of the reasons I went away for so long and blogged so little. But, no matter how infrequent I'll be blogging, this blog won't die ok like even if the theme changes or my link changes also won't HAHA. I sort of regret deleting my very first blog since primary school. AT LEAST my blog with posts from secondary school times  is still alive phew and it is always good to read back whatever retarded stuff I have written before, be it really good or bad memories.

I think I feel so much better now? LOL wonders of blogging. Shall go serious mode while getting music therapy with my fav old chinese mpop songs lolz goodnight whoever is there x

04102016

Good mornza! On a non-peak morning train now and I feel so good, like so much better than yesterday when I couldn't get on for 6 trains, door of cabin closed on me at one-north when I haven't even get out, had a super bad stomachache and a screwed test. Nonetheless, thankful for Tuesday! For everyday of this last study trimester actually, everything seems so bright and positive (most of the time lol) that it has been 5/13 weeks already.

Weird how I started off in Sept 2014 being heavily worried and stressed over school to the state of crying continuously few days a week (I knowww) to being nonchalant BUT still hardworking hahaha. Past 6 trimesters weren't really a breeze, but I've learnt so much from school, from a different environment compared to poly with different cultures and facing a diverse of personalities everyday. So now, I'm telling myself to enjoy every single day of this trimester before moving on to a one full year of being away from my classmates and one step nearer towards being a working professional.

Ya apologies for my dry and reflective content ok LOL

Hyped for new style experiment with my awesome possum hensum boy 😍
This guy was commenting that day and the other day lolol about how both of us spend money on different stuff - tangible and intangible goods. Shermy like to spend on quality clothing items that he can see and wear everyday even though it costs a bomb, but I don't mind spending once in a while on a staycation or a vacation, food, massage or a day of fun. I refuse to spend more than $10 for a piece of top, bottom or shoes, while boy can eat the same thing everyday just to save money. Overall, I can say that both of us don't splurge and know how to invest our monnehz in ourselves wisely hahaha

Speaking of food, I already can't wait for lunch with Roll already damnz