As usual not doing much stuff even till now at 11.21am. I wish every day is like yesterday where I can completely focus on the codes from 1pm-6pm straighttt.

Anyway, my reason for blogging suddenly is because I read back some of the blog posts from the old blog... And I find that I was so brutally honest in those blog posts and Im like such a complicated girl who always find fault in herself?! But somehow it was a good thing because the me during those times was selfless and always put others before herself... It's weird that we always refer our past self as a third-party right?

So... I am actually thinking that it is a good habit to blog and describe every day's life in details like how I always did, because I know the future me will be amazed like I am now with the past me. And since I refuse to do anything now being the procrastinator I am, I shall indulge in this private world of mine. Heh.
(Yes it is private in some ways because people only read blogs that belong to popular people nowadays, with amazing life and people blogs to become popular, yes?)

PSI is current 198 now, it's the number 1 topic this week? Reached super early at 8.20am at the office door when no one was in the office. Packed my usual breakfast chicken pao and coffee next door and until someone arrived, washed my apple to eat together with the pao and coffee~ Now I cannot wait to eat my strawberries, blackberries and don't know what more berries are there in the lunchbox prepared by YY! Hehe but I went to the toilet thrice due to my heavy breakfast.

So the colleague who sat next to me (or behind me) quitted yesterday, and Illah, my RP intern mate is on MC. Well, boring.

Just a sudden thought, I always thought I sorta like programming... But then again, I realise I don't since internship, because I cannot do it. I mean like, yes it is a challenge and I should like it, but I do not like the useless feeling of not being able to get things done around a bunch of IT professionals, and make me see clearly how long a journey I have to go before reaching the 'level' of knowledge where my colleagues are now. And I am obviously not talented in IT, maybe in school I just persevere slightly more than others thus being able to complete things at a slightly higher speed? Or maybe I'm just plainly lazy during internship. However I will still study more towards building websites with minimal object-oriented programming... Er that is some sort of IT language. I just lose all confidence to complete my codes thus the slacking...

Still unsure of what I want to do in future, but currently I'm thinking of taking part-time degree and working part-time at the pet shop of bf's sis? I really think that it's pointless working a full-time office job, getting stressed up and unhappy everyday and having little quality time to self until you're old... Then you die. Not to mention not being able to take care of my future kids well? 

Well shall see how. Because the last I remembered, I quitted school and wanted to work since then till the rest of my life :P See how it changed? 

Ok now gtg to have some quality retail therapy. These codes are making me so full of angst (?). Oh, adding on, what the Indonesian minister said about the haze, "This is not what the Indonesian nation wants, it is because of nature.", as if the trees set fire to themselves. I don't mind about the comment about Singapore being all childish because the comment itself tells us how he win us all in being 'like children', when he can actually be silent and take some actions instead

By the way, it's 4.19pm now hahaha 5-6 hours taken to procrastinate somemore and complete my blog post.

toodoooooooooos~

等待已久的这一天，就这样地过了... 是不是在教我完完全全的不要有期待？是不是叫我都不要相信每一次说过的承若或是会做的事？我不像这样悲观，感觉像为了一点小事而忧愁。但我发现这一天真的对我来说很重要... 这一天就可以说明了我的重要性，可不可以为我牺牲。不，我不是说叫你去死的那种牺牲，也不是叫你与我和你的家人做一个选择，不。我只是以为你可以早点把事情做完，花一点点的时间陪陪我，就像你说的，带我去哪里哪里，有多大的惊喜，结果惊喜是碰巧的却拿来当成惊喜。我说的话，只想要求你如果不能陪我，就不要给我期待。 你要知道，就算是说要改天弥补给我，东西与感觉是不同的了...

不管人家怎么看待，我只知道，我受伤。我很不喜欢这种感受。

我要睡觉了，希望我至少睡还能睡得好，睡得安稳。

"有你在的地方一定有歡笑，你善良，調皮，任性，霸道與 貼心。你看起來活潑好動，但實際內心深處，你有些自卑 而自負，你希望自己能把事情做到最好，你很在乎別人對 你的評價，你的性格像小孩，單純直接，情緒化，喜怒哀 樂寫在臉上，你沒有機心，但也缺少些自我保護的能力， 你表面看來很容易相處，但想要走進你的內心世界其實並 不容易，你需要人家的鼓勵，包容，寵愛和肯定，其實你 也常常自我反省，你希望自己能做到起碼有80%的完美， 但你似乎沒那個毅力，所以你的情緒變化無常，一定是被 這些因素困擾的。"

It's really quite true. This passage sorts of depicts my character. It it gotten from a test from facebook! Hehe

Work is bored.
Toodles.

Happy CNY! :)

Didn't really celebrate this year because we can't as my dear grandma passed away not long ago... It's ok, we can still hang out together with our relatives, and all my male cousins (gamers) and sometimes female cousins will be sitting together in the living room, using laptops/ playing phones/watching shows or tv.

---

Just wondering why, being part of the family, you must show this kind of treatment to me? As in, you always complain that I'm not home, don't treat our house as home, ok I get your point from there. Although truth is I do go home every so often and talk and bond with pa and ma, but maybe because you always go out after work and sleep early, thus didn't get to talk to you. And I agree I do have my wrongdoings by not being at home sometimes.

But since we have the time to talk and bond with each other now at Malaysia, why must you like purposely 刁难 (make things difficult) for me in some ways? And when I try to you talk to you in front of cousins you just shunned me or talk to me in some fuck up attitude and ignore me for the time being.

Seriously, sometimes I don't get you. At you. Tired of trying to be understanding anyway.

---

I have a bad temper and can be unreasonable at times. But I guess most of the times I am rational and yes, kind. Don't like it when people disregard that.

I know I don't do everything right too. Learning since young, and I'm still learning.

Bye.

Ending with a cutie pic

We might read quotes and stories, look at beautiful and meaningful pictures and we feel them, but at the end of the day we don't act like that because of the influence from the world we live in everyday. It's not easy to have inspiring thoughts in our mind having the cruel reality surrounding us everyday.

“We all have different stories we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves we are too fat, or too ugly, or too old, or too foolish. We tell ourselves all these different stories because they allow us to excuse our actions, and they allow us to pass of responsibility for things we have done — maybe to something within our control, but anything other than the decisions we have made.“
— Eleanor Brown, The Weird Sisters (via 0x-ygen from Tumblr)


Food for thought.

Argh the new Macbook charger keeps coming off. But no, it doesnt irritates me because at least I have an awesome laptop. I am grateful.

Study plan fails once again, because once I am seated here, my mind goes elsewhere... Tumblring, shopping, listening to songs. Imagining the story of the songs and wondering how all the other people must have been feeling when they reblog or post something on Tumblr.

Definitely going to school tomorrow since I missed it last week. But seriously I do not like Monday lessons, the main reason being how bonded the class is, having laughter and everything, me being the ignorant me I am :( It's weird. But I am glad it's a 4-hour block. The class is cute, noisy and wonderful to be if I was part of them. Oh well, envy.

Can't say I push people away... I never even got close to them, maybe I just reverse my steps a lil bit and go back to where I've started. People I wish to get closer to, but already disappoints me somehow, birth of unwanted misunderstandings in both minds perhaps, that's how fate between two people ends I guess.

I am and hope to appear as sincere to people I meet, because I know that everyone in the world always hope to meet good people and be friends with them for eternity and beyond right? Haha. But I don't stick too close or talk too much because the other parties might not feel the same. Aiya this is a very complicated thing. Or. Maybe it's just my immature and childish thinking :(


Anyway. Met my Vivian a few days back. Glad to talk to her, because she kept me thinking. And together with Kokhoe too. Told her why I met her so little, but our friendship will stay no matter what. She is another one of a kind kind of friend. I cherish her :)

Same for Jiaxi. She always know what I am thinking and am always there. (because we same class or beside only LOL) And the few others.

Chu~ ♥ (Sandara Park hehe xoxo)