31122013

Just sitting on bed, spending the last afternoon of the year with myself, with my mum's voice in the background while she is talking to my auntie on the phone. Gonna have a simple and good night with Aloy and Vi later on for the countdown at Khatib, I guess. These two dears standing by me all these while, giving me support, checking on me so often to ensure I am ok and making me laugh like crazy although there are some really stupid (haha) conflicts in between.

It's not the best year for me, no. I will not say it's the worst because I cannot guarantee life wouldn't give me anymore lemons, but this year sure is some real shit. It's also a year that will cause the biggest change in me. Change in my mindset, change in my faith, strength and beliefs.

The whole thing is still so surreal. Perhaps just a lil bit of that sinks into me once in awhile, whenever I thought of my daughters, realizing that I couldn't call them mine anymore and the reason why that is so will then be right in my mind, so clearly and vivid.

I don't know what to say anymore, maybe just that I really really miss you, I still see you everywhere and everything I see still reminds me of you. I still can smile and laugh like the Jiamin I am and I am still quite positive in life, but it will not be the same anymore. I'm scared to watch Running Man alone, I scrolled through Instagram photos of friends and their dogs hastily, I don't play those games anymore, I don't dare to open Viber and I avoid looking at chili crab cup noodles or CP wanton noodles when I'm in 7-11.

But I will be fine, I will. Actually I think I am. But the guilt will stay, because I know that I could have make a difference and the ending would have been so much better and things could be solved in a less messy way.

2014 is just tomorrow, it's just another day away. Going to start tomorrow by waking up, nua a bit, then work.
Things I think I will look forward to for the following -- finishing FYP, graduation, graduation trip, getting a fixed job, my 21st birthday (and all my other babies'), have a healthier lifestyle and better figure. I'm sure that are more things in store for me, be it tears or joy.
I'm really thankful for everyone in my life -- my family, angels, 7w, dada and xixi, l2op, sidetrack, my boys the 'slaves' etc. Please continue to stay, and bear with me x



Just a quick recap of the some of things I did in the year with the people I am glad that are still in or entered my life, and also some that left... And of course some selfies yknow haha

That was the happiest trip I had with you, though I might not be the only one in your heart and that point. Thank you for everything that you gave that made me who I am.