I need a space to vent out my frustration. I find it a need to blog...

Everything looks so calm but it's just chaotic in mine. I spent most of my time reflecting on myself and getting no answers from it. Am I wrong to do, say or even think of something? I'm not being myself lately I swear. Because no one is being real. Sometimes I wonder whether it's others that I live for or is it for myself. I feel that I'm sucha wreck and messy and fake. Mum says my thoughs are simple it's just that I tend to anyhow think. I feel so insecure because it seems like anyone will leave any moment leaving me gaping and in shock. I feel so shagged. People can tell me I'm not alone. Yeah? But the thing is I have been alone for so long, no one gets it or even try to understand, I can't get any help and I've tried to help myself for so many times.

I'm damn not sociable nowadays and I don't even know how to interact with people anymore it's scary. I'm over-aware of myself, yeah I know but I can't help it because I'm not that kind of "Be myself and who cares what you think." person because to me, opinions matter so much to me.

Going to work later and seriously, the managers suck and I'm so not looking forward to work.

I know I'm like damn negative now, I can't help it with these fucking overwhelming emotions inside me.

I know this blog is kinda deserted and unknown by alot people.
Oh well.

Last exam is on Wednesday.
I have completely flunked O level :(
I'm sucha disappointment. I should be ashamed or whatsoever but no wallow in my misery.
But in any ways, I'm not thinking that far for the moment, I'm gonna start studying chem. Yah, start.

It's been chaotic but terrific on my side. Or vice versa? There's a different meaning if the sentence is orientated in an opposite way.
I need to speak more English and know some angmo-s ^^

Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday are the good days coming my way!


I don't want to be alone, but maybe I should be for me to learn and fill in the blank in my mind...